I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Implants?"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?I live in my own little world. But it's ok... they know me here.I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.Shopping tip: You can get shoes for about a buck at the bowling alley.If I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; then I must be perfect.I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I�ve stayed alive.How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?