funny alcohol quots and one liners

Horse Power 

@ I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

@ I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

@ I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.

@ A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. 

@ Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.

@ Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-Kaiser Wilhelm 

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman


"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
-Brian O'Rourke


BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
-"Unknown"


Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-Stephen Wright


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin


Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.
-Homer Simpson


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
-Frank Sinatra


I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.
-Abraham Lincoln


One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.
-Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing


Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-Jack Handy


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-Dave Barry


Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.
-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944


No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
-John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough


He was a wise man who invented beer.
-Plato


This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!
-Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck


"Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been taking it for years."
-Tallulah Bankhead


"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemmingway


"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humprey Bogart


"I got thrown out of Alcoholics because when the other clients saw me they thought they were having the DT's"
-Dave Dutton


"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
-Oscar Wilde


"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
-Mark Twain


"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" -Denis Leary


Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.


One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

collection  : Pravin Kulkarni